Mom (yelling):

Get out of bed you silly fool!
Get up right now, it’s time for school.
If you don’t dress without a fuss,
I’ll throw you naked on the bus!

Child:

Oh, Mom, don’t make me go today.
I’m feeling worse than yesterday.
You don’t know what I’m going through.
I’ve got a strange, rare case of flu.
My body aches, my throat is sore.
I’m sure I’m knocking on death’s door.
You can’t send me to school—achoo!— (sneeze)
`Cause everyone could get it, too.
Besides the kids despise me there.
They always tease, and always stare
And all the teachers know my name.
When something’s wrong, it’s me they blame

Mom (yelling):

You faked a headache yesterday.
Don’t pull that stuff on me today.
Stop acting like a silly fool—
The principal cannot skip school!

Popularity: 3%

Question: Why must we put on our pants one leg at a time?

Answer: If we jumped into our pants simultaneously placing both legs in at one time, we would land heavily on the ground. As a majority of us are getting dressed at the same time of the morning, the cumulative effect would Cause an earth tremor. Due to the use of time zones, the tremor established In Eastern Time would arrive in the central zone at precisely the moment all those people were jumping into their pants. The tremor would increase in size exponentially, and proceed west to combine with the mountain zone folks as they get dressed. As this cycle encircles the globe, it would feed upon the next day’s Tremor and eventually cause the earth’s crust to break apart and float into space.

This is why we put our pants on one leg at a time !!

Popularity: 1%

• CONFIDENCE:

One day all villagers decided to pray for rain.

On the day of prayer all people gathered & only one boy come with umbrella. THATS CONFIDENCE.

• TRUST:

Trust should be like feeling of a one year old baby, when you throw him in tha air, he laughs … Because he knows you will catch him …

• HOPE:

Every night we go to bed, have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning

But still we have many plans for coming day…

• SO KEEP CONFIDENCE, TRUST IN GOD AND NEVER LOSE HOPE …

Popularity: 1%

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H - Husband, W - Wife)

H - “Hello?”

W - “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

H - “Yes.”

W - “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

H - “What’s the price?”

W - “Only $1,000.”

H - “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”

W - “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. It’s a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

H - “What price did he quote you?”

W - “Only $65,000…”

H - “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

W - “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”

H - “What?”

W - “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”

H - “How much are they asking?”

W - “Only $450,000 — a magnificent price…and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

H - “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?”

W - “OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

H - “Bye…I love you too…”

The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks “Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to???”

Popularity: 15%

1. Putting crayons in the microwave or the clothes dryer is a no-no.

2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.

3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.

6. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

7. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

8. It’s not a good idea to shine the bathroom floor with Vaseline.

9. Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

10. School lunches stick to the wall.

11. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

12. You can never put toothpaste back in the tube.

13. The best place to be when your sad is in Grandma’s lap.

14. Never put chewed gum in your pocket without a wrapper.

15. Moms get mad when you cut your own bangs.

16. Moms gets even madder when you let your friend cut your bangs.

Popularity: 1%