Archive for August, 2007
jokes X jokes VI
2-
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
“Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?” asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, “Well Doc, I can’t swim!”
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An obese blonde with unhealthy overweight, went to Doctor.
Her doctor put her on a diet with strict advise. “I want you to eat regularly for two days and then skip a day. I want you to repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. “Wow, this is amazing!” the doctor said, “So you did follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded yes. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” The Doctor asked.
“No, from skipping”, The Blonde explained.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Cool Statements
5- Resurrection is real, unless declared integer.
- Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
- Death is hereditary.
- There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
- An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
- Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
- Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
- When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
- Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
- Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
- Well done is better than well said.
- Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
- If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
- Where there’s a will there are five hundred relatives.
- Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Popularity: 12% [?]
Story Corner: I can sleep when the wind blows
0Years ago , a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast.
He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic . They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic , wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops.
As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received A steady stream of refusals.
Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. “Are you a good farm hand?” the farmer asked him. “Well, I can sleep when the wind blows” answered the little man.
Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, Hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man’s work.
Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand’s sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, “Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!”
The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, “No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows.”
Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm.
To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred.
The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down.
Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew.
The moral of this story:
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When you’re prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically, you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life?!
Popularity: 1% [?]
jokes X jokes V
1-
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald’s one cold winter evening.
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking: “Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!”
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. – “They were used to sharing everything .”
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn’t eaten a thing.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, “Ma’am, why aren’t you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?”
She answered “THE TEETH”.
Popularity: 9% [?]
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