Archive for September, 2007
And a few things… about… u know…
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- The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
- “I’m not scared of dying, And I just don’t want to!”
- “It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!”
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
- My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
- I’ll be sober tomorrow but you’ll be ugly for the rest of your life.
- I’m scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because everytime I fall in love … it never seems to last.
- Normal people worry me.
- I know a million ways to always pick the wrong thing to say.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Story Corner: Never argue with a woman who reads !!
6One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”
“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”)
“You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her.
“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”
“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.
“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.
“That’s true, but you have all the equipments. For all I know you could start at any moment.”
“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.
The moral of this story:
- Never argue with a woman who reads.
Popularity: 2% [?]
10 Most Stupid Questions
1 1.. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends …
- Stupid Question: – Hey, what are you doing here?
- Answer: – Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here …
2.. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet …
- Stupid Question: – Sorry, did that hurt?
- Answer: – No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia … why don’t you try again.
3.. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people asks …
- Stupid Question: – Why, why him, of all people.
- Answer: – Why? Would it rather have been you?
4.. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter
- Stupid Question: – Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??
- Answer: – No, it’s terrible and made of adulterated cement.
5.. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years …
- Stupid Question: – Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
- Answer: – Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.
6.. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask …
- Stupid Question: – Is the guy you’re marrying well?
- Answer: – No, he’s a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout … it’s just the money.
7.. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call …
- Stupid Question: – Sorry. Were you sleeping?
- Answer: – No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marries or not. You thought I was sleeping . you dumb witted Moron.
8.. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
- Stupid Question: – Hey have you had a haircut?
- Answer: – No, its autumn and I’m shedding …
9.. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
- Stupid Question: – Tell me if it hurts?
- Answer: – No it won’t. It will just bleed.
10.. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…
- Stupid Question: – Oh, so you smoke.
- Answer: – Gosh, it’s a miracle … it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!
Popularity: 1% [?]
Words Of Wisdom
31. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. Who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm .
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane .
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, “What the hell happened?”
22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos .
Popularity: 1% [?]
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