What Happens If…

Written by Gradly on . Posted in blog, Funny, Jokes

What happens if an insect falls in a cup of coffee ?!! The British : will throw the cup into the street and leave the coffee shop for good. The American : will get the insect out and drink the coffee.  The Chinese : will eat the insect and drink the coffee. The Israeli : will
  • Sell the coffee to the American and the insect to the Chinese.
  • Cry on all media channels that he feels insecure.
  • Accuse the Palestinians, Hizb Allah, Syria and Iran of using germ-weapons.
  • Keep on crying about anti-semitism and violations of human rights.
  • Ask the Palestinian President to stop planting insects in the cups of coffee.
  • Re-occupy the West Bank, and Gaza Strip.
  • Demolish houses, confiscate lands, cut water and electricity from Palestinian houses and randomly shoot them.
  • Ask the United States for urgent military support and a loan of one million dollars in order to buy a new cup of coffee.
  • Ask the United Nations to punish the coffee-shop owner by making him offer free coffee to him till the end of the century.
  • Last but not least, accuse the whole world to be standing still, not even sympathizing with the Israeli Nation.

Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List

Written by Gradly on . Posted in blog, Funny, Jokes

The Shit List: 
  •  Taoism: Shit happens.
  •  Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit happens.”
  •  Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.
  •  Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
  •  Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
  •  Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
  •  Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
  •  Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
  •  Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
  •  Episcopalian: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
  •  Methodist: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
  •  Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
  •  Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
  •  Lutheran: If shit happens, don’t talk about it.
  •  Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
  •  Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it’s okay.
  •  Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
  •  Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
  •  Calvinism: Shit happens because you don’t work.
  •  Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
  •  Creationism: God made all shit.
  •  Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
  •  Christian Science: When shit happens, don’t call a doctor – pray!
  •  Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
  •  Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
  •  Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
  •  Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
  •  Darwinism: This shit was once food.
  •  Capitalism: That’s MY shit.
  •  Communism: It’s everybody’s shit.
  •  Feminism: Men are shit.
  •  Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can’t live without us…
  •  Commercialism: Let’s package this shit.
  •  Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
  •  Idolism: Let’s bronze this shit.
  •  Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit IS.
  •  Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
  •  Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
  •  Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
  •  Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
  •  Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
  •  Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
  •  Scientology: If shit happens, see “Dianetics”, p.157.
  •  Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock Knock; Shit happens.
  •  Jehovah’s Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
  •  Jehovah’s Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
  •  Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
  •  Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
  •  Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit!
  •  Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
  •  Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
  •  Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
  •  Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
  •  Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
  •  Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
  •  Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
  •  Atheism: What shit?
  •  Atheism #2: I can’t believe this shit!
  •  Nihilism: No shit.And of course we must add…Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!
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