One guy suddenly got up in a plain and said:

“hijack”

*
*

*
*

*
*

*
*

*
*
Everybody in the plane put there hands up.

Then suddenly

*
*

*
*

*
*

*
*

*
*

Another guy from another side got up and said

“hi…john”

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A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here.”

The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese”.

“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”

Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”

The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”

• This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and was sent by an INDIAN … !!!

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I Apologize… For all the mean things I might have said.I Apologize… For all the things I did or didn’t do.

I Apologize… If I ever ignored you.

I Apologize… If I ever made you feel bad or put you down.

I Apologize… If I ever thought I was better than you.

I Apologize… For everything wrong I’ve ever done.

I Care for You… Don’t ever forget that!

Through bad times and good,

I’ll always be here for you.

I’m writing this because… what if… tomorrow…

Do you know why ?!! Check it HERE.

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BOSS said to an employee: “Do you believe in life after Death?”
EMPLOYEE : “Certainly not! There ‘s no proof of it”, he replied.
BOSS : “Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle’s funeral,

He came here looking for you.!”

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• A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
  It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.
  “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the first candidate.
  “Yes. You have no ears.”
  He quickly eliminated the first candidate.
  “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the second candidate.
  “Yes. You have no ears.”
  He quickly eliminated the second candidate.
  “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the third candidate.
  “Yes. You’re wearing contacts.”
  Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, “That’s correct. How did you know?”
  “You can’t wear glasses if you don’t have any freakin’ ears.”

• Three contractors . . . One from India, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. A senior White House official takes them to examine it.
  The English contractor : takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says. “I figure the job will cost $900 . . . $400 for materials, $400 for labour and $100 profit for me.”
  The German contractor : also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700 . . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
  The Indian contractor doesn’t measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: “$2,700.”
  The official incredulously says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
  “Easy,” the Indian explains, “$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!”

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• OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
  CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
  OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
  CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
  OFFICER : YOUR FATHER’S NAME ?
  CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
  OFFICER : WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN ?
  CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
  OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
  CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
  OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
  CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
  OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION ?
  CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
  OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
  CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS
  OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
  CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
  OFFICER : AND WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN?
  CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR
  OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
  CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
  OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
  CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
  OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
  CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
  OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW
  CANDIDATE MY PERFORMANCE. …?
  OFFICER : M P!!!!
  CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR?
  OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED

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A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute.”

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ‘em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work?”

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic:

“Try to do it when the engine is running.”

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• Once all the scientists decide to play hide-n-seek…
  Unfortunately Einstein becomes the seeker…
  He is supposed to count up to 100…and then start searching…
  Everyone starts hiding except Newton
  Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein…
  Einstein is counting… 97, 98, 99, 100…
  He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front…
  Einstein says “Newton’s out… Newton’s out…”
  Newton denies and says i am not out…!
  He claims that HE IS NOT NEWTON.
  All the scientists come out and he proves that he is not Newton…!
  How??! TRY
  Locate the answer in the 1st comment.
• A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
  One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears” You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times.
  When I got fired, you were there to support me.
  When my business failed, you were there.
  When I got shot, you were by my side.
  When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
  When my health started failing, you were still by my side…
  You know what?”
  “What dear?”, she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
  “I think you’re bad luck”.

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A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”

The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place”

“That should have worked,” said the friend.

The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left…”

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A man lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and a lot of things that took two arms.

One day he could not stand it anymore. He decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a tall building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man on the sidewalk below skipping along whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and noticed this man didn’t have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly, useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he now knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could do it with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again. He asked “Why are you so happy anyway?”

He said “I’m NOT happy; my butt itches.”

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Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”

After about six seconds of ‘careful consideration’ , she answered “Yes. Yes, I will.”

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to Their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?” He couldn’t remember. Try as he might, he just Could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to The telephone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”

He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I Meant it with all my heart.”

Then she continued, “I am so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”

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This doesn’t mean all women are stupid when it comes to cars … But there always are (a lot of) exceptions!!

Yesterday I was having some work done at the Ford dealer. A woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, “What is a seven-hundred-ten?”

She replied, “You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there.”

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!

He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, “Is there a 710 on this car?”

She pointed and said, “Of course, it’s right there.”

Are you curious ?! check the photo in the 1st comment below to learn what a 710 is…

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Boys:
1- Drive to the bank, park, and go to the Cash Dispenser
2- Insert card
3- Dial code and desired amount
4-Take the cash and the card

Girls:
1- Drive to the bank
2- Check make-up in the mirror
3- Apply perfume
4- Manually check haircut
5- Park car – failure
6- Park car – failure
7- Park car – success
8- Search for the card in the handbag
9- Insert card, rejected by the machine
10- Throw phone card back in handbag
11- Look for bank card
12- Insert card
13- Look for piece of paper where secret code is written in handbag
14- Enter code
15- Study instructions for 2 minutes
16- #Cancel#
17- Re-enter code
18- #Cancel#
19- Call husband to get correct code
20- Enter desired amount
21- #Error#
22- Enter bigger amount
23- #Error#
24- Enter maximum amount
25- Cross fingers
26- Take cash
27- Go back to the car
28- Check make-up in rear mirror
29- Look for keys in handbag
30- Start car
31- Drive 50 meters
32- STOP
33- Drive back to bank machine
34- Go out of the car
35- Take card back from machine
36- Go back to the car
37- Throw card on passenger seat
38- Check make-up in rear mirror
39- Manually check haircut
40- Go into roundabout – wrong way
41- BREAK
42- Go into roundabout – right way
43- Drive 5 kilometers
44- Remove hand break

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• Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
• Son: “I will choose my own bride!”.
• Father: “But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.”.
• Son: “Well, in that case…ok”.
• Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
• Father: “I have a husband for your daughter”.
• Bill Gates: “But my daughter is too young to marry!”.
• Father: “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank”.
• Bill Gates: “Ah, in that case…ok”.
• Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
• Father: “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president”.
• President: “But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!”.
• Father: “But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law”.
• President: “Ah, in that case…ok”.

This is how business is done!!

The moral of this story:

• Even If you have nothing, you can get anything. But your attitude should be positive.

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There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H – Husband, W – Wife)

H – “Hello?”

W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

H – “Yes.”

W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

H – “What’s the price?”

W – “Only $1,000.”

H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”

W – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. It’s a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

H – “What price did he quote you?”

W – “Only $65,000…”

H – “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”

H – “What?”

W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”

H – “How much are they asking?”

W – “Only $450,000 — a magnificent price…and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?”

W – “OK, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

H – “Bye…I love you too…”

The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks “Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to???”

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• A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald’s one cold winter evening.

  They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.

  Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking: “Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!”

  The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.

  The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.

  There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.

  The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

  He placed one half in front of his wife.

  Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

  He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.

  Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. – “They were used to sharing everything .”

  Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn’t eaten a thing.

  She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.

  A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.

  The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.

  As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.

  After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, “Ma’am, why aren’t you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?”

  She answered “THE TEETH”.

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After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.”

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an “A” for the exam.”

Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”

Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical .”

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• Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
  Old Man: Certainly not.
  Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose, if you tell me the time?
  Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.
  Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
  Old Man: See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.
  Young Man: Quite possible.
  Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.
  Young Man: Quite possible.
  Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me. Then as a courtesy, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come again. This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?
  Young Man: Possible
  Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.
  Young Man: (Smiles).
  Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.
  Young Man: (Smiles).
  Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.
  Young Man: (Smiles).
  Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.
  Young Man: Oh Yes! and smiles
  Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my Daughter to a person like you who does not even own a Watch.

• A man walking along California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice…
  The Geni said: “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
  The man said: “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want”.
  The Geni said: “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”
  The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said: “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says ‘nothing’s wrong,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
  The Geni replied: “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

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• You can become an engineer if you study in Engineering college.
  But you cannot become a president if u study in Presidency College.
• You can expect a BUS from a BUS stop.
  But you cannot expect a FULL from a FULL stop.
• A mechanical engineer can become a mechanic.
  But a software engineer cannot become a software.
• You can find keys in Key board.
  But you cannot find mother in mother board.
• You can study and get any certificates.
  But you cannot get your death certificate.

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• A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

  This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.

  When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

  The Godfather asks the book-keeper: “Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?”

  The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.

  The book-keeper signs back: “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

  The lawyer tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

  That’s when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper’s temple, cocks it up and says: “Ask him again!”

  The attorney signs to the underling: “He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”

  The book-keeper signs back: “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”

  The Godfather asks the lawyer: “Well, what’d he say?”

  The lawyer replies: “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger!!”

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• A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee …

  On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”

  The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?”

  “No” replied the trainee.

  “It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!”

  The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?”

  “No!” replied the Managing Director angrily.

  “Thank God!” replied the trainee and put down the Phone.

• In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?”

  She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

  The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

  She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He’s lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him.”

  The defense attorney almost died.

  The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: “If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”

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After 3 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying: My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

• Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
• Man:- 365 days and some times 366
• Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
• Man:- 24 hours
• Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
• Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
• Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
• Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3 (one third)
• Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
• Man:- 122 (1/3×366 = 122 in days)
• Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
• Man:- No sir
• Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
• Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
• Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
• Man:- 18 days.
• Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
• Man:- 4 days
• Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
• Man:- No sir!
• Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
• Man:- No sir!
• Manager:- So how many days are left?
• Man:- 2 days sir!
• Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday)?
• Man:- No sir!
• Manager:- So how many days are left?
• Man:- 1 day sir!
• Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
• Man:- No sir!
• Manager:- So how many days are left?
• Man:- None sir!
• Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
• Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

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• A man speaks frantically into the phone,
  “My wife is pregnant , and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
  “Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
  “No, you idiot !” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

• Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
  Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
  Doctor: The lab called with your test results.
  They said you have 24 hours to live.
  Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?
  What’s the very bad news?
  Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.

• “Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
  “Yes, of course…”
  “Great! I never could before!”

• A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there.
  The man complains, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.”
  The receptionist asks, “Have you ever seen a doctor?”
  And the man replies, “No, just spots.”

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• Check them out, really funny

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• Question: “What would you like to have ?Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee ?”
• Answer: “tea please”
• Question: “Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?”
• Answer: “Ceylon tea”
• Question: “How would you like it ? Black or white ?”
• Answer: “white”
• Question: “Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?”
• Answer: “With milk ?”
• Question: “Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk ?”
• Answer: “With cow milk please”
• Question: “Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow ?”
• Answer: “Um, I’ll take it black “
• Question: “Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey ?”
• Answer: “With sugar”
• Question: “‘Beet sugar or cane sugar ?”
• Answer: “Cane sugar”
• Question: “White , brown or yellow sugar ?”
• Answer: “Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead”
• Question: “Mineral water or still water ?”
• Answer: “Mineral water”
• Question: “Flavored or non-flavored ?”
• Answer: “I’ll rather die of thirst”. !!

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A farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it wasn’t worth it to save the donkey. He asked his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well.

First, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. As the neighbors shoveled dirt on the animal, he shook it off and took a step up. Soon, all were amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Life shovels dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer died in agony from septic shock.

The Moral of this story:

• M1 – When you do something wrong and try to cover yourself, it always comes back to bite you!
• M2 – Remember the 5 simple rules to be happy:

1)- Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
2)- Free your mind from worries – Most never happen.
3)- Live simply and appreciate what you have.
5)- Expect less.
4)- Give more.

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1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!”.
- That’s Direct Marketing.

2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: “He’s very rich. Marry him.”.
- That’s Advertising.

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: “Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me”.
- That’s Telemarketing.

4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: “By the way, I’m very rich. Will you Marry Me?”.
- That’s Public Relations.

5. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: “You are very rich! Can you marry ! Me?”.
- That’s Brand Recognition.

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me! She gives you a nice hard slap on your face”.
- That’s Customer Feedback.

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me! And she introduces you to her husband.”.
- That’s demand and supply gap.

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: “I’m rich. Will you marry me?” and she goes with him.
- That’s competition eating into your market share.

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: “I’m rich, Marry me! your wife arrives.”.
- That’s restriction for entering new markets.

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[You gotta read this one out loud]

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port
And the bus is interrupted at a very last resort
And the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash
And the double-clicking Icon puts your window in the trash
And your data is corrupted cause the index doesn’t hash
Then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol
That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang
‘cuz sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy’s getting sloppy in the disk
And the macro code instructions are causing unnecessary risk
Then you’ll have to flash the memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM
And then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

+ By Dr. Seuss

Update:

Dr. Seuss: Theodor Seuss Geisel (March 2, 1904 – September 24, 1991) was a famous American writer and cartoonist best known for his classic children’s books under the pen name Dr. Seuss, including The Cat in the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish and How the Grinch Stole Christmas. His books have become staples for many children and their parents. Seuss’ trademarks were his rhyming text and his outlandish creatures. He wrote and illustrated 44 children’s books.

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A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.
“What is your name?” was the first thing she asked the new guy.
“John ,” the new guy replied.
She scowled, “Look… I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my employees by their last name only … Smith, Jones, Baker …that’s all.
I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed, “Darling …… My name is John Darling.”
“Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . .”

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