Jokes

• A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
  It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.
  “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the first candidate.
  “Yes. You have no ears.”
  He quickly eliminated the first candidate.
  “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the second candidate.
  “Yes. You have no ears.”
  He quickly eliminated the second candidate.
  “Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the third candidate.
  “Yes. You’re wearing contacts.”
  Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, “That’s correct. How did you know?”
  “You can’t wear glasses if you don’t have any freakin’ ears.”

• Three contractors . . . One from India, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. A senior White House official takes them to examine it.
  The English contractor : takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says. “I figure the job will cost $900 . . . $400 for materials, $400 for labour and $100 profit for me.”
  The German contractor : also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700 . . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
  The Indian contractor doesn’t measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: “$2,700.”
  The official incredulously says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
  “Easy,” the Indian explains, “$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!”

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